Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

I know I still need to post pictures from Christmas. (Bad Mommy!) But there's just been so many other things to tend to of late.

As I type, Steve and I are getting ready to leave for Canada. This will be the second time we have left the country since Madeline was born. (I promise we are not horrible parents!) We are going to the International Bowl in Toronto to support Ball State. It's just not condusive to take Madeline (an 8 hour bus ride - no way!) . So I dropped her off at my parents' today. We had a fun time this moring at a play date in Noblesville. We got to see lots of baby friends we haven't seen in a long time! Including little Lauren Linville - the newest addition and the first "second" child of our "group." I got to hold her and I have totally forgotten what it's like to have a newborn. She was so light and helpless..... but I digress. I left the playdate and drove to my parents house to drop of Madeline. She was so tired that she kept saying "Na na" for bed. My mom held her as I left and it was especially hard this time. It just didn't feel right leaving her. Usually when I leave her there for an afternoon or overnight, I am so overjoyed to have a few precious hours in which to get everything done, that I go crazy doing errands and enjoy my mini vacation from motherhood. But this time I kept wanting to go back for "one more kiss" (and I did go back for a few) her big bird eyes blinking at me as I shut the door....it just tugs at my heart in a way I cannot convey in words. (But most of the people reading this are parents and I don't have to explain it)

I did get a lot done after I left Wal Mart errands and eyebrow stringing. (Note to self - next time rub Novacaine all over my eyebrows) Forget Waterboarding - this is truly exruciating.

So, I know when I leave tomorrow and sit in my seat listening to my ipod and reading my books I will be glad, but for now - I just feel empty.