One of the few weird "side effects" of pregnancy that I actually didn't experience was loss of bladder control. (Yes, if you are reading this and have not ever been pregnant it's true. Oh, and you also crave dirt.) So, it was really weird that I woke up on October 18th last year at 2:00 am and felt like I had lost it - literally. I sneaked out of bed to go to the bathroom - not wanting to wake Steve if I had, indeed, wet the bed. I went to the bathroom, washed my hands, changed my shorts, and crept back into the bedroom thinking it must have all been a weird pregnancy dream. I put my hands on my side of the bed, and it was wet. I felt all around and then Steve woke up.
"Did your water break?"
"Um, I don't know. Maybe."
"Well.... what should we do? Should we call the doctor?"
"I dunno. Maybe one of my (5,000) pregnancy books has something on it."
So we both grabbed some books and started searching.
"OH! Here's something!" I said. "It says that if your water breaks it will smell sweet. Whereas pee will just - well, smell like pee."
I looked at him.
"Will you smell my shorts?"
He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Come on! You know I can't do it. I have pregnancy nose!"
A 5 minute conversation ensues
He does, eventually, agree to smell my shorts. Now, if that's not love and dedication I don't know what is! I walked into the bathroom to watch this go on.
"Um Steve, I'm pretty sure my water broke. I'm still . . . you know....going."
So, we called the doctor on call and he said that since I already had an 8:00 check up scheduled to just try to get some sleep and come in at that time, where they'd check to see if my water broke.
We got back in bed and talked for about an hour - talking about how scared we were to become parents, how we hoped everything would go smoothly. I told him that we really should try to sleep because if I was , in fact, in labour, we would both need it. We both laid there for about another hour - just listening to the minutes tick by. But somehow - we both got a few hours before we got back up at 6:30. I sat at the table and ate breakfast after I got dressed and tried to eat. I think I ate about 5 spoon fulls.
My check up was at 8:00. The doctor did some type of test with a strip of paper to see if my water broke. I just remember her smiling and saying "Congrats!" and leaving Steve and me in there alone to try to process it all. We laughed and hugged. I was terrified. Being pregnant is one thing - having a baby is entirely different.
As we left the doctor's office everyone was all smiles. They had already called St. V's and let them know I was on my way. We were instantly admitted and all the nurses told me to walk around to bring on labour. Steve and I headed up to the maternity ward and walked about the equivalent of 4 Boston Marathons. We kept peeking in the nursery, wondering what our little girl would look like, and how soon she'd be in our arms.
By early morning they started me on a pitocin drip which brought the contractions on right quick! Steve spent every second of every horrible contraction by my side - helping me breathe and reassuring me that I was doing great. By 1:00 the contractions were unbearable. I've never felt a pain like that of a contraction. After squeezing Steve's phalanges to death, I think he was glad I decided to get an Epidural. By late afternoon I was feeling better except for one "hot spot" that the epidural didn't quite cover. My parents and Steve's parents were there and we all chatted about how excited we were. My best friend Jenn stopped in to see for about 2 hours which really helped pass the time. I just kept watching the monitors to make sure the baby's heart was okay.
By early evening I was exhausted. They always try to tell you to get some sleep. But that's pretty hard when a baby is tap dancing in your belly and you're so uncomfortable you'd sell a kidney to be done with the process.
Around 6:00 I was getting really really grouchy. I was so uncomfortable I could hardly stand it and so huge I couldn't move to get more comfortable. My OB came in to check my dialation and said I had gone from 4 cm to 9 cm in the last hour. Everyone gathered around to wish me well then settled back in to read their magazines and such as that last centimeter can take quite a while. By 6:30 I felt something "different" I couldn't put it in words - so I just told Steve (who told the nurse) that I just felt "different." She sent everyone out and WHAT do you know I'm at 10 centimeters. She let all the parents in to say their final words of wisdom then scuttled them out. My OB came back in and confirmed I was 10 cm and had the nurse tell me to start pushing. That's when I was the most afraid. It was like I was standing at the edge of a cliff and someone was on their way to push me off. All the sudden I didn't want to be a mom. How on earth was I going to know everything it took to raise a baby? I remember telling Steve that I didn't want to push - that I was so scared. I don't remember what he said, but I"m sure it was soothing.
It's funny the things I remember....I remember starting to push and realizing that the TV in the corner of the room was still on. Wheel of Fortune came on, and then Jeopardy, and then some stupid show like "Two and a Half Men" or something. I was pushing 3 times every contraction. 3 times, that is, while Steve counted to ten. I remember being so thirsty and so hungry that I was literally picturing a piece of toast. (I don't know why) I just wanted someone to give me a piece of toast. The nurse kept saying I couldn't eat anything in case I had to have a C-section. I wanted to scream at her that THAT wasn't going to happen to me and please get me so toast NOW! But I just sucked on ice chips instead.
After two hours she went to get Dr. Leone (my OB) who examined me and then kept talking with the nurse. I kept watching the baby's heartbeat. I wanted to yell at them that I didn't care if she tore off the lower half of my body, just get her here safe. I just thought something was horribly wrong. The nurse left and Dr. Leone came up by my side.
He said that pushing for over 2 hours is pretty long - even on a first baby. He said that after his last examination he was able to feel that my bone structure was not such to facilitate a baby. Apparently bones that are supposed to form a circle, formed a diamond instead. Little baby was getting her head stuck. He said I was one of the best "pushers" he'd ever seen, but - there wasn't any more I could do. They needed to do a C-section and get the baby out before she really became stressed. I immediately cried.
I hadn't cried the entire time, but the flood waters came like a tsunami. More than anything I wanted to have my baby the "normal" way. c-section just felt like failure. Steve comforted me and told me it wasn't a big deal. I kept telling him I was sorry, sorry I couldn't "give" that to him. He went to share with our family the new news and left me alone with Dr. Leone. I was sobbing and really just couldn't get control of myself. He walked over to me, picked up a piece of my think hospital blanket and wiped away my tears. He didn't say a word - just looked at me and wiped my tears away. I'll never, ever forget that moment.
They wheeled me out into the hallway where my entire family had assembled. They all leaned over and kissed me or spoke kind words. I just felt like a fool - being wheeled away to surgery because I couldn't do it myself - and being paraded in front of my family was humiliating. Until, my brother in law leaned way over, took my hand and said, "We love you." I don't know my brother in law all that well, and for some reason his words just brought me a great deal of comfort.
I was placed on the OR table and was overcome by how freezing cold it was. I remember the anesthesiologist leaning over my head from behind telling me about all the drugs he was going to give me. Between the arctic temperatures and drugs I couldn't stop shaking. I remember hearing a radio playing loudly and someone counting things really loudly. Next thing I knew, Steve was by my side - decked out in hair covering and mouth covering. He held my hand as the doctor explained what he was doing. I felt a ton of pressure on my organs, but couldn't feel a bloody thing. It felt like he was taking for EVER. I remember wanting to ask, "Is the baby like in my FOOT or something? Let's get going!!!!!!" (Apparently the Doctor had to tickle her back up towards my stomach after all that pushin') Then - a huge push on what felt like my ribcage. I started to say "You're breaking my ribs!"
Then - a cry. Loud and strong. I heard him say "She's sure healthy! It's a girl!" About 5 seconds later they popped her out from behind the curtain and said "Here's your baby" and held her for about 3 seconds so we could see her. After that I could hear her crying but didn't get to see her for about 15 minutes. (I was livid but apparently there's a bunch of other things they have to do with a C-baby). Steve finally left my side after much prodding from me and went to gaze at our new baby. He came back over to me to tell me how perfect she was and then a nurse appeared with her - all papoose like - and handed her to Steve. I remember how overcome with emotion he was - and how much it meant to me to see him that way. He held her up to me so I could see her and I immediately started talking to her - as much as I could through my torrential tears anyway.
She finally came into our lives at 9:00pm. We got to be alone in the recovery room and see her get her bath and assessments. She was as starving as I was and nursed immediately. I was overcome that this little bean who had been inside me for nearly a year - was now in our arms - safe and healthy. It didn't matter how she got there, just that she was safe.
Our 4 days in the hospital were fantastic. Filled with friends and family, we were not wanting for love or attention. We had one nurse, Natasha, whom I will always remember. She went the extra 5 miles for us every time she was on duty.
Coming home from the hospital was a different story. Talk about scary! But that's for another time...
Oh, and I did, finally, get some toast.
"Did your water break?"
"Um, I don't know. Maybe."
"Well.... what should we do? Should we call the doctor?"
"I dunno. Maybe one of my (5,000) pregnancy books has something on it."
So we both grabbed some books and started searching.
"OH! Here's something!" I said. "It says that if your water breaks it will smell sweet. Whereas pee will just - well, smell like pee."
I looked at him.
"Will you smell my shorts?"
He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Come on! You know I can't do it. I have pregnancy nose!"
A 5 minute conversation ensues
He does, eventually, agree to smell my shorts. Now, if that's not love and dedication I don't know what is! I walked into the bathroom to watch this go on.
"Um Steve, I'm pretty sure my water broke. I'm still . . . you know....going."
So, we called the doctor on call and he said that since I already had an 8:00 check up scheduled to just try to get some sleep and come in at that time, where they'd check to see if my water broke.
We got back in bed and talked for about an hour - talking about how scared we were to become parents, how we hoped everything would go smoothly. I told him that we really should try to sleep because if I was , in fact, in labour, we would both need it. We both laid there for about another hour - just listening to the minutes tick by. But somehow - we both got a few hours before we got back up at 6:30. I sat at the table and ate breakfast after I got dressed and tried to eat. I think I ate about 5 spoon fulls.
My check up was at 8:00. The doctor did some type of test with a strip of paper to see if my water broke. I just remember her smiling and saying "Congrats!" and leaving Steve and me in there alone to try to process it all. We laughed and hugged. I was terrified. Being pregnant is one thing - having a baby is entirely different.
As we left the doctor's office everyone was all smiles. They had already called St. V's and let them know I was on my way. We were instantly admitted and all the nurses told me to walk around to bring on labour. Steve and I headed up to the maternity ward and walked about the equivalent of 4 Boston Marathons. We kept peeking in the nursery, wondering what our little girl would look like, and how soon she'd be in our arms.
By early morning they started me on a pitocin drip which brought the contractions on right quick! Steve spent every second of every horrible contraction by my side - helping me breathe and reassuring me that I was doing great. By 1:00 the contractions were unbearable. I've never felt a pain like that of a contraction. After squeezing Steve's phalanges to death, I think he was glad I decided to get an Epidural. By late afternoon I was feeling better except for one "hot spot" that the epidural didn't quite cover. My parents and Steve's parents were there and we all chatted about how excited we were. My best friend Jenn stopped in to see for about 2 hours which really helped pass the time. I just kept watching the monitors to make sure the baby's heart was okay.
By early evening I was exhausted. They always try to tell you to get some sleep. But that's pretty hard when a baby is tap dancing in your belly and you're so uncomfortable you'd sell a kidney to be done with the process.
Around 6:00 I was getting really really grouchy. I was so uncomfortable I could hardly stand it and so huge I couldn't move to get more comfortable. My OB came in to check my dialation and said I had gone from 4 cm to 9 cm in the last hour. Everyone gathered around to wish me well then settled back in to read their magazines and such as that last centimeter can take quite a while. By 6:30 I felt something "different" I couldn't put it in words - so I just told Steve (who told the nurse) that I just felt "different." She sent everyone out and WHAT do you know I'm at 10 centimeters. She let all the parents in to say their final words of wisdom then scuttled them out. My OB came back in and confirmed I was 10 cm and had the nurse tell me to start pushing. That's when I was the most afraid. It was like I was standing at the edge of a cliff and someone was on their way to push me off. All the sudden I didn't want to be a mom. How on earth was I going to know everything it took to raise a baby? I remember telling Steve that I didn't want to push - that I was so scared. I don't remember what he said, but I"m sure it was soothing.
It's funny the things I remember....I remember starting to push and realizing that the TV in the corner of the room was still on. Wheel of Fortune came on, and then Jeopardy, and then some stupid show like "Two and a Half Men" or something. I was pushing 3 times every contraction. 3 times, that is, while Steve counted to ten. I remember being so thirsty and so hungry that I was literally picturing a piece of toast. (I don't know why) I just wanted someone to give me a piece of toast. The nurse kept saying I couldn't eat anything in case I had to have a C-section. I wanted to scream at her that THAT wasn't going to happen to me and please get me so toast NOW! But I just sucked on ice chips instead.
After two hours she went to get Dr. Leone (my OB) who examined me and then kept talking with the nurse. I kept watching the baby's heartbeat. I wanted to yell at them that I didn't care if she tore off the lower half of my body, just get her here safe. I just thought something was horribly wrong. The nurse left and Dr. Leone came up by my side.
He said that pushing for over 2 hours is pretty long - even on a first baby. He said that after his last examination he was able to feel that my bone structure was not such to facilitate a baby. Apparently bones that are supposed to form a circle, formed a diamond instead. Little baby was getting her head stuck. He said I was one of the best "pushers" he'd ever seen, but - there wasn't any more I could do. They needed to do a C-section and get the baby out before she really became stressed. I immediately cried.
I hadn't cried the entire time, but the flood waters came like a tsunami. More than anything I wanted to have my baby the "normal" way. c-section just felt like failure. Steve comforted me and told me it wasn't a big deal. I kept telling him I was sorry, sorry I couldn't "give" that to him. He went to share with our family the new news and left me alone with Dr. Leone. I was sobbing and really just couldn't get control of myself. He walked over to me, picked up a piece of my think hospital blanket and wiped away my tears. He didn't say a word - just looked at me and wiped my tears away. I'll never, ever forget that moment.
They wheeled me out into the hallway where my entire family had assembled. They all leaned over and kissed me or spoke kind words. I just felt like a fool - being wheeled away to surgery because I couldn't do it myself - and being paraded in front of my family was humiliating. Until, my brother in law leaned way over, took my hand and said, "We love you." I don't know my brother in law all that well, and for some reason his words just brought me a great deal of comfort.
I was placed on the OR table and was overcome by how freezing cold it was. I remember the anesthesiologist leaning over my head from behind telling me about all the drugs he was going to give me. Between the arctic temperatures and drugs I couldn't stop shaking. I remember hearing a radio playing loudly and someone counting things really loudly. Next thing I knew, Steve was by my side - decked out in hair covering and mouth covering. He held my hand as the doctor explained what he was doing. I felt a ton of pressure on my organs, but couldn't feel a bloody thing. It felt like he was taking for EVER. I remember wanting to ask, "Is the baby like in my FOOT or something? Let's get going!!!!!!" (Apparently the Doctor had to tickle her back up towards my stomach after all that pushin') Then - a huge push on what felt like my ribcage. I started to say "You're breaking my ribs!"
Then - a cry. Loud and strong. I heard him say "She's sure healthy! It's a girl!" About 5 seconds later they popped her out from behind the curtain and said "Here's your baby" and held her for about 3 seconds so we could see her. After that I could hear her crying but didn't get to see her for about 15 minutes. (I was livid but apparently there's a bunch of other things they have to do with a C-baby). Steve finally left my side after much prodding from me and went to gaze at our new baby. He came back over to me to tell me how perfect she was and then a nurse appeared with her - all papoose like - and handed her to Steve. I remember how overcome with emotion he was - and how much it meant to me to see him that way. He held her up to me so I could see her and I immediately started talking to her - as much as I could through my torrential tears anyway.
She finally came into our lives at 9:00pm. We got to be alone in the recovery room and see her get her bath and assessments. She was as starving as I was and nursed immediately. I was overcome that this little bean who had been inside me for nearly a year - was now in our arms - safe and healthy. It didn't matter how she got there, just that she was safe.
Our 4 days in the hospital were fantastic. Filled with friends and family, we were not wanting for love or attention. We had one nurse, Natasha, whom I will always remember. She went the extra 5 miles for us every time she was on duty.
Coming home from the hospital was a different story. Talk about scary! But that's for another time...
Oh, and I did, finally, get some toast.
3 comments:
I will make sure you will never yearn for toast again.
SF
Your birth story is eerily like mine...water breaking in the middle of the night, labor ending in an emergency c-section...Thanks for sharing! It was beautiful!
Happy birthday to Madeline!
Thanks for sharing your story! Gabby was born at 8:43 pm, almost the same time as Madeline! I loved having her at night because it was all dark and calm. And by the way, I like Two and A Half Men.
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